


Welcome to Hell

by Clarekgriffin



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 04:04:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3595662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clarekgriffin/pseuds/Clarekgriffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For years Ark academy and Tondc boarding school were rivals in every aspect. Bad blood ran through each student body. However after a tragic fire at Tondc that left the students and facility without a home and 250 of their people, the Ark opened their doors in a show of togetherness. But just because they're now forced to live together and attend school together doesn't mean everything will be okay between the once rivals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Happy birthday to Jenna](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Happy+birthday+to+Jenna).



> Okay basically I'm trash and I approached a friend with this very basic idea of a boarding school au and here we are... We're going to claim this is an early birthday present to my love Jenna, but if we're being completely honest once I started going off about different plotlines for this fic I knew I had no choice in the matter. I can't promise I'll update a ton since I'll be working, but I can hopefully promise a chapter a week! I hope you all enjoy and please keep in mind I haven't written a fic in over a year much less any for these characters so I hope to do them justice!

Clarke couldn’t help herself as she glanced around the auditorium seeing the familiar faces of all her classmates filling the seats. They all looked about as exhausted as she felt as they sat there waiting for dean Jaha to show up and give some important announcement. She had asked both Raven and Octavia if they knew what was going on when she finally managed to join her group of friends, but it seemed no one knew why it had been so important for the dean of students to wake them all up at only four something in the morning on a Saturday no less. The enthusiasm, or lack thereof, that Clarke felt seemed to be shared with her fellow students. She felt Octavia’s head slip down and fall onto her shoulder. It wasn’t to unlike her friend to fall asleep on top of her in some manner and while most of the time Clarke often would indulge her friend and allow her to sleep she couldn’t help but feel testy about it today. She knew it had to do with her own exhaustion since her friends all teased her about if she didn’t get her required eight hours of sleep it was best to steer clear of her. Sighing heavily she shoved her best friend off of her shaking her head, “If I’m being forced to stay awake so are you.” At least Octavia had the decency to look slightly ashamed as Raven shook her head at the both of them while somehow managing to nurse a cup of coffee.

Just when the crowd of students seemed to go from restless to about to break into chaos Jaha stepped on the stage and made his way to the microphone in the center. She noted with ease that he seemed exhausted, almost as if he hadn’t slept at all. Of course as the dean she supposed he had a lot on his plate. More than he had when he was busy helping her parents raise her along with his son Wells. “Good morning,” He said, the sound of his voice booming from the speakers and was way too loud for the early hour, “As I’m sure none of you know yet our rival school Tondc caught fire and burned to the ground last night.” The news immediately quieted the crowd. The school was located four hours away from them and was there number one competition in nearly everything. It was constant bad blood between the two but even Clarke who hated the school with every fiber in being couldn’t help but feel awful. That didn’t stop Jaha from continuing on though, “It’s suspected that someone purposefully caught each building on fire. 250 students and facility died, and nothing could be saved.”

The news of the deaths weighed heavy on her, but as it seemed it was much worse for Octavia who tightened her grip on Clarke’s hand and looked at her completely terrified. She could only imagine the fear that was running through her best friend at the news that her boyfriend might not be safe, and she couldn’t blame her. But as they sat there they couldn’t do much until they were released. She did her best to try and soothe her though by running her thumb in circles over Octavia’s hand.

“Now I know in the last few years there has been nothing but bad blood between our schools, but in our moments of need we must reach out and help those who need it. That is why I have opened our doors to the surviving students and facility. We have the space that they need, and hopefully with our help they will begin to piece together their lives again. They’ll be arriving on Monday and they will share our bedrooms, our classrooms, and even our sports teams, so use this time to get comfortable with the idea that your rivals are about to come your teammates.” With his final words he walked off the stage without a backward glance to the students. Many of them were on their feet yelling out in protest before Clarke could even manage to process what his words had meant.

She felt awful, she truly did, but how was Jaha expecting them to live together when they could hardly get off the court without bashing each other’s heads into walls? She knew this was going to end in disaster before they even arrived, but unlike her classmates who were all still in an uproar she had more pressing matters that weren’t how the hell was she expected to live on the same campus as her rival Lexa. As she turned to a still distraught Octavia she knew her own selfish concerns were going to wait as Raven helped her lift their friend from her seat and she slid her arm around her waist, “Come on, Octavia. Let’s go back to our room and call him, okay? We can’t freak out until we know anything for sure.” She was by nature the level headed one in the group and after a moment her friend nodded.

Raven turned to them looking guilty as she stepped away slightly, “I’ll be right there. I just need to talk to Wick for a moment, okay?” But before they could say anything she was off searching for him leaving her to deal with Octavia while managing to say a prayer to any god that was listening to her to keep Bellamy away from them until after they knew something. She knew the older Blake meant well, but right now was not the time for his disapproval of Lincoln.

It was a long walk back to their dorm room, but the moment they were finally completely alone Octavia grabbed for her phone. She watched as her friend’s hand shook violently and after a moment she took the phone from her. It was clear the making this phone call would land on Clarke’s shoulders. It didn’t take any time for her to locate his number and press call. 

One ring. Two rings. “Octavia?” A burst of relief melted over Clarke as she shoved the phone towards her roommate. Disbelief seemed to fill her friend’s beautiful features before complete and utter happiness, relief, and a whole flood of other emotions finally washed over her. “Oh thank god!” 

Clarke knew that this wasn’t the time to be smiling but she couldn’t help herself because at least one thing in the world was going right. She had no idea what she would have done if Lincoln hadn’t been okay, but luckily she never had to find out. For this one moment everything in Clarke’s life was okay. She knew that come Monday though it would seem as if the gates of hell opened, but she would deal with that when the time came. Right now she was just happy that everyone she loved and cared about was okay and for tonight that was just going to have to be enough.


	2. Chapter 2

The all too familiar sound of basketballs being bounced off of the hardwood floor filled the air. This was where Lexa felt the most at home. She was a legacy child, her mother had been an all star basketball player as well having set many records that Lexa had already replaced. Since she was a young girl this had been all that she wanted. Of course Clarke Griffin from the Ark academy had to threaten everything that Lexa had worked so hard to achieve. A part of her though didn’t completely hate the other girl after all she constantly forced Lexa to become a better player. To leave her heart off the court and use her head. Of course she would never admit that, and if Anya ever heard her even mention not completely hating the blonde captain she would never live it down.

“Look alive Lexa!” Indra shouted from the sidelines of the court just in time for Anya to pass her the ball which she caught with ease before moving to take the open shoot. With the magical swoosh sound the smallest of smiles pulled at her lips. There was nothing quite like making a basket when it didn’t hit the rim. “Come on girls! Do you think those Ark girls are just standing around?” Their coach once again yelling although Lexa was pretty sure that Indra only had two tones: yelling and threatening. That was what made her one of the best though. 

After a few more plays they were told to hit the showers and head back to their dorms to do any studying that had to be done or get a much needed night of sleep. Lexa though had other plans. Like seeing Costia. Just the thought of the other girl brought a wide smile to her face and had her rushing about.

Echo noticed the sudden rush to get out of the locker room, “Look at our fearless leader!” She shouted with a wide grin, “Rushing off to see her love.” The room filled with laughter from her teammates.

“Shof op.” Lexa bit out but had an easy smile on her face. She would deal with those idiots later. After she spent some time with her girlfriend. She shouldered her bag before leaving her friends to begin the trek across campus from the athletic fields and gyms to the dorms.

It wasn’t often that Lexa was lost in her own thoughts. She prided herself on nearly always being alert and knowing when danger was close. However thoughts of her tanned skin, black hair, gorgeous girlfriend clouded her thoughts this one time so it wasn’t until the smell of smoke filled the air that she noticed something was off. She was on the long path that led away from the main parts of campus to where all the dorms were located without a building in sight. She shook her head in dismay, probably some morons trying to have one last bonfire before it was to cold to do so. 

When the first set of buildings came into her view though she had realized just how wrong she was. Everything was on fire. She didn’t see one building that wasn’t burning. Her first and only thought suddenly was Costia. She took off in a sprint across the paths to her building and it wasn’t until she felt Lincoln’s arms grabbing onto her that she realized she had every intention of running into the flames if it meant saving her love.  
“Lexa!” His voice boomed out from behind her pulling her from her thoughts. “Be reasonable! The firefighters will save her.” 

She knew that he was right, but that didn’t bring her any comfort as she stood there in his arms. She knew she should be more distraught as she saw more bodies being pulled from the fires, many to gone to save, but she couldn’t focus on the loss of them until she knew about Costia. It was selfish and awful of her, but in that moment for once in Lexa’s life no one else mattered.

She had no conception of time or how much had passed by the time that Lincoln pulled her to sit on the damp ground waiting for any news. It seemed as if the hours passed both quickly and also slowly. 

The only thing that allowed her to know that there was still an entire world outside of the burning buildings was Lincoln’s phone that suddenly began buzzing. She barely saw the name Octavia flashing across the screen before he answered it. She didn’t have the willpower to move away to give him privacy so she simply tuned him out also not wanting to deal with the two love birds.

The sun was just breaking across the skyline when a firefighter approached them with a somber look on his face. “We’re asking that all the survivors meet in the middle of campus so we know who is accounted for and who we can’t identify.” 

Lexa sprung to her feet forgetting completely about her bag that sat beside her. It had been entirely possible that she had missed Costia coming out and that her girlfriend was equally as terrified as her that something happened. She muttered a quick explanation to Lincoln even though she knew he completely understood why she was rushing off. 

She didn’t slow down as she made her way back to the main part of campus when she was met with a crowd. Indra sood on a small platform, “There is several clipboards floating about. Find the one with your age and highlight your name and move along so everyone can check in. There’s 250 dead, we need to figure out who those are since most of the bodies were too burned to identify.” Indra began to repeat herself as Lexa was sure she would do for the next several hours. The tiny woman shoved her way gently through the crowd searching for the papers she was suppose to sign. It took her awhile to locate it but once she did her eyes automatically began searching for Costia’s name hoping against all hope that she had somehow already been there.

Her heart fell the moment she saw that Costia’s name hadn’t been highlighted yet. The more time that passed the more impossible it felt that her love was still alive. Quickly she located her name and highlighted it before handing it off to the next person and moved to join those waiting for any news. A brief sense of relief filled her when she saw Anya standing off to the side on her own. The two women gave each other small nods being silently thankful that one another had made it out unharmed. Later she would actually talk to the older woman but for now she decided to stick to herself and wait once more for any sort of news. It felt as if that’s all she had been doing but there was nothing else for her to do now besides focus on what was going on.

She was sure another handful of hours slipped by as a firefighter finally came over slipping a blanket around her shoulders. She couldn’t manage much more than a small nod of her head. She hadn’t realized how cold she was until she was finally engulfed in the warmth of the small piece of fabric. It had been awhile since she had seen her dean of students and coach Indra, but the older woman was finally on the podium once more looking every bit of the fierce woman she had proven herself to be over the years. She was furious and it read loud and clear to everyone in the area. “Everyone that we could find has now been accounted for. Those lost in the fires have been named although most were burned beyond recognition. They will get the burials that they deserve and whoever did this will pay deeply. For the foreseeable future though we will have to relocate our home. Ark academy has opened their doors to us and while I hate the idea of going to them just as much as you do but this is our best option.” She didn’t give anyone a single chance to interrupt or to voice their displeasure before she walked off to do what Lexa assumed had to be done. 

The situation though didn’t fully feel real to Lexa though as she stood there still numb. “Come. We’ll find who’s is to be grieved for.” The voice was so familiar that she didn’t have to look up to know that it was Anya who stood beside her. 

Wordlessly she moved along with her mentor to where a list of names had been posted. The dead. A list that Lexa believed should never have existed. A new wave of sobs and screams of anger filled the air as students learned who was gone. She never made it to see the list as Echo turned to meet her eyes shaking her head sadly. Words didn’t have to be exchanged to know what it had meant.

Pain wasn’t enough to describe the feeling that overcame her. She wasn’t sure if any word in the world accurately described what it felt like to know that the woman she loved with her entire being was gone from this world. She wanted nothing more than to join her again, but even in her darkest moments she knew that Costia wouldn’t want that for her. She would grieve later when she wasn’t surrounded by others, and slowly she would slowly turn her heart off towards others. Loving was weakness, and this only proved that.

She finally moved to locate the living. The only few people she cared to be around before they were all forced into the real world. A world that would very soon be spent spending every second of every day with the very people that hated them. No one spoke a word to her as she finally joined their small group. She was silently thankful for that but she knew it wasn’t for her. They were all grieving for various people, grieving for the innocence that many of them lost, and mostly just grieving in general. She gave herself until Monday to feel the harsh cruelty of the losses, but once they were in Ark academy she knew she had to become a leader and leaders think with their heads and not their hearts therefore she would be forced to bury a piece of herself along with the others they lost. She may physically be alive, but she wasn’t sure about the rest of her. She supposed only time could tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention this would be a slow burn? Like I mean slowwwwwww. I have to torture y'all somehow! I'm going to attempt to post two chapters a week but don't count on that. I can promise you though one a week! 
> 
> Also if you want to get in contact with me on tumblr it's ClarekGriffin.
> 
> (Also yes I did change my url here I've been meaning to for awhile now but was to scared to do so)


	3. Chapter 3

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes for what felt like the tenth time in no more than two minutes but Octavia was driving her absolutely crazy. “Are you sure it’s not too short and it’s not too long, Clarke? This is important! We’re going to the same school now and I don’t want him to wonder if he made the wrong choice in dating me.”

At that the blonde finally sighed and sat up in order to actually physically glare at her best friend, “I swear to all that is holy in this world, you look great. If he seriously starts questioning why he’s dating you I’m sure there are plenty of men that will show him what an idiot he is. But he doesn’t seem like an idiot. He seems smart enough to realize what he has with you. Although sometimes I wonder how he manages it.” She meant to be stern but she slipped up as the corners of lips turned up in a smile.

“You’re right.” her friend finally agreed as she moved to flop onto the small standard dorm bed, “I’m a damn prize. He’s lucky he’s coming here and he already has me.”

She nodded in agreement, “That’s the spirit. Is everything set up for tonight?” She couldn’t help but ask. Today was going to be pure hell of nothing but smiles and pretending as if everything was okay. As if they could actually make this work. She wanted it to. She genuinely hoped that she was wrong and somehow the schools would come together as well seamlessly, but she wasn’t naive enough to believe they wouldn’t have problems. That was why she made sure there were plans to relax after the diplomacy of the day. A plan that involved a lot of moonshine and breaking quite a few rules. But sometimes even Clarke Griffin, the perfect student and daughter of Abby and Jake Griffin, had to let loose. That was why she had talked her friends Monty and Jasper into planning a quiet party for everyone to just relax at.

Octavia scoffed at her which Clarke was almost certain that was accompanied with an eyeroll as well, “It’s almost as if you don’t trust me, Clarke! Of course everything is planned! I have to say it was a good idea to have one. We’re all going to need some of that moonshine to get through this week.”

She looked over with her eyebrows raised, “And here I thought you were going to be too busy with Lincoln to even join us. I must say I’m touched you’re going to make time for us.”

The other woman reached up cupping her shoulder with a slight smile, “Oh my darling it’s not for you. If I was missing in action my sweet brother would hunt me down and tear Lincoln limb from limb.”

Clarke was unable to hold in her laughter as she nodded her agreement. She knew that her friend had a point. If Octavia wasn’t around Bellamy would go into overprotective mode. He was awful as it was on a regular day, throw in Octavia’s boyfriend actually living on campus? She was sure it was only going to be so much worse. She was about to say something but the moment that she opened her mouth in order to do so her phone began to buzz alerting to the fact that she had leave and face the day. She let out a slight groan as she stood up, “I’ll see you later. Just make sure to lock the door behind you and if you don’t see me at dinner just assume Lexa and I got into a blood bath and I’m in jail.”

At her clear misery her friend laughed loudly shaking her head, “You’ll be fine. You’ll win them over with that award winning smile! Go get ‘em, Griffin! And if you don’t see me at dinner well don’t come looking for me!”

She shot Octavia one last look as she shook her head before leaving.

\---

Sunday passed in a haze around Lexa. There was a lot to be done in order to travel that night and arrive at Ark academy in the morning. While there wasn’t any packing to be done (most of the dorms were completely gone and the ones that weren’t was deemed unsafe to go into) there were families to call and funerals to coordinate, as well as figure out just how they were going to make living with the Ark students work. She was thankful though that as the student body president she had been deemed worthy to help with any and all planning that had to happen. It gave her tasks to focus on rather than reality and it was exactly what she needed. Whether or not it was healthy for her to do so was up for debate but Indra didn’t argue with her.

Lexa had been so busy between traveling and the planning that when she finally found a moment to herself they were less than an hour from their new home. She knew it was both a blessing and a curse that she hadn’t been given time to come to terms with everything before their new lives began, but she knew that the time to do so would come sooner rather than later.

She hadn’t realized that she had actually drifted off to sleep until she was startled awake by Anya shoving her gently off the bus. “Off to war, young one.” Had it been any other day after any other event she would have cracked a smile, but rather she felt a heaviness within her. It wasn’t that she was ungrateful to her friends for being there and more than likely going out of their way to be small reminders that she wasn’t suffering along, but they weren’t her. And any time she spared even the slightest thought to her now dead love it honestly felt like the worst type of torture. Almost as if the devil himself was attempting to tear her heart out as slowly as possible.

Indra fell into step with Lexa as she got off the bus. The older woman’s face was set in a look that Lexa could only describe as murderous. None of the students knew why their dean had such an intense hatred of the Ark academy, but they knew better than to ask for any details at the risk of having her wrath placed upon them.

“I need you to be a leader.” It wasn’t as if Lexa had expected some speech about how she should take time for herself. Especially coming from Indra. So the words came as no shock to her as she nodded her agreement. “You have to put your emotions last. If the others see you being strong than they will follow your example. We need that. Do you understand?” She didn’t wait for Lexa’s response before walking away, but they both knew what it was. She would do anything for her people even put them before herself.

If two schools could be anymore different it would be Ark academy and TonDC. Both in their students, their expectations of them, and even the schools themselves. TonDC had been a beautiful school that took after great works of architecture whereas Ark academy was more modern. It didn’t feel like home as she made her way to the main building with a handful of others. The first meeting of the schools were just for press and they all knew it. Only the deans with a few teachers and a student were going to be present as some photographer snapped photos to report about how great it was that dean Jaha was opening his doors in such a manner to his rivals. It made Lexa sick to think about but she understood the importance.

Walking up to the building she pulled herself up as tall as she could and schooled her features to show absolutely no emotion. She wouldn’t give anyone that satisfaction of seeing just how weak she felt. If they wanted that they would have more success in killing her. 

She barely had time to take in the room they had entered when Jaha came rushing over with a wide smile and his arms wide open, “Welcome! I hope the trip was well.” For a split moment she had thought he would hug Indra and a small piece of her wished that he had merely for entertainment factor. But her eyes were drawn away from the deans of students and to a blonde woman. Clarke. 

She hated her. She was blonde with blue eyes and had all the right curves...if you were into that thing. And Lexa wasn’t. At all. She was into tanned skin with dark hair and matching dark eyes that lit up in amusement whenever Lexa got overly enthusiastic or whenever Lexa would go on a rant about something. Costia had constantly found herself entertained by her passionate girlfriend. Costia. Just the thought of her caused the physical pain to return but she didn’t allow it to show as her attention return to Jaha and how he was explaining things would work. It sounded almost as if Lexa’s life was about to get even worse. Indra agreed that it would be good for student morale if the two student body presidents became roommates. If they could get past the rivalry and live together then anyone could. 

Except Lexa was pretty sure it would end in one of their deaths. Rooming with Clarke Griffin was the absolute worst idea that Lexa had ever heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had my first day of work yesterday and learned I don't actually start until the first of May which means more time to work on this fic! As it stands right now I'd like to update it every three-four days if I can. I keep thinking I have the next few chapters planned but every time I sit down to write one it never goes the way I was expecting. As of right now there's probably another ten or so chapters, but don't take my word for it. It'll probably get dragged out to like another twenty.
> 
> Also if you ever want to send me asks or anything my tumblr is ClarekGriffin!


	4. Chapter 4

“My bed is the one by the window.” Clarke explained as her and Lexa walked into their now shared room. She moved to straighten up her desk from where she had tossed about her books that very morning looking for her tie. “It’s the one with the best view of the sunrise and well I didn’t have anyone to fight for it before.”

From the corner of her eyes she saw her new roommate nodding in what she assumed was agreement. Relief filled her, she had been so sure that Lexa would argue with her over every single thing that having this one argument avoided was nice. She knew the rest of it wouldn’t go as easily though.

“I won’t kick you out of your bed, Clarke. You were here first, therefore it’s only fair that you keep your bed. Besides it doesn’t matter to me if I have the window view or not.” She moved to sit on the currently vacant bed and looked about the room. There was a clear divide in what was hers and what was Clarke’s. Clarke’s side of the room was lived in. Her bed was clearly made in a rush that morning. One of her drawers on her dresser was hanging half opened with articles of clothing spilling over the edge. Her desk had books tossed about with papers sticking out. Several pairs of shoes were thrown about the room. It wasn’t a mess exactly, but it wasn’t as organized as Lexa would like it to be either. 

Her side of the room was a different story. It was completely bare. There weren’t sheets on the bed or even a blanket messily tossed on it in some effort to make it look made. It felt a lot like how she felt and that only made her feel more alone in all of this.

She felt Clarke’s gaze on her and when she looked up to meet it straight on she expected to see pity in the depths of her eyes, but instead she found compassion and concern. She could handle that from a lot of people but she couldn’t take it from her. This was the girl who was expected to be her enemy. The girl she beat on the court and screamed insults at. She wasn’t suppose to be the one to be there for her and she couldn’t handle that.

She cleared her throat and rolled her shoulders back in order to feel more empowered even if in that moment she didn’t feel like much more than a small child sitting there on the edge of the bed. “Do you mind leaving me alone for awhile? I’d like to get to know the place by myself since I’ll obviously be here awhile.”

Clarke looked startled by her request before grabbing her bag that hung on the back of her desk chair. “Of course. I heard Indra was going to start taking students to town to buy the necessities. Just...so you know.” She paused briefly. She stood by the door with her hand on the handle seeming as if she’s thinking over something. “I won’t be back until late tonight so you have time to get...situated.”

Clarke was gone in a flurry of blonde hair leaving Lexa alone at last. A small piece of her was grateful that Clarke hadn’t been cruel or cold to her. Just unsure about how to handle the situation they had been giving just as she was herself. Perhaps it didn’t have to be difficult for them to get along.

It wasn’t long though until her thoughts finally overtook her. There was only so much to do when one was left completely alone. She knew she had other options such as making a run to town in order to get what she needed. The idea of being around people though made her physically sick. She had been around people for too long in the last few days and now she needed some time to herself.

She slowly stood up making her way to the adjoining bathroom. It was a small space but certainly an upgrade from the bathroom she had shared with her entire floor. There was a small vanity sink with a mirror above it, before she could look away she caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection. 

The woman looking back at her wasn’t someone she recognized. She wondered how Indra had seemed okay presenting her when she looked like this. With smears of dirt and ash along her face, the exhaustion and pain that read clear in her eyes, how her hair hung limp. Overall this wasn’t who she was. She wasn’t sure if Clarke would be upset but she would deal with it later in any case.

She stripped away her sweat soaked clothes and dropped them carelessly towards the floor. She would worry later about what she would wear, but right now she could only think about getting clean. The water felt scorching against her skin it was the kind of painful that at the same exact time also felt like bliss. She tilted her head backwards feeling the way the water cascaded down her body before pooling at her feet.

There was something about taking a shower that gave Lexa pause. She was washing away days of dirt and sweat something Costia would never get to do again. It was so simple and yet held so much meaning to her. There was little things that she got to do, big events such as graduating high school, going to college, getting married, possibly having children, and they were all things that the woman she loved had ripped from her. She didn’t know when the tears began but suddenly they overcame her.

Costia was gone. That was a cruel and harsh fact. And Lexa was still alive something she wished wasn’t true. What was a life without the other piece of your soul? For her time wasn’t something that she kept track of. The world continued to move on and that was all that she had to know. People continued about their lives while she felt like hers had been ripped out from under her. Her chest ached from the emotional and the physical pain that it held and at some point the water turned icy but she couldn’t find it in herself to care enough to turn it off.

“Lexa?” She closed her eyes in shame when she heard Anya’s voice ring out through the suite. It would be asking too much for her own people to not be concerned, but even she knew they would eventually come. She wasn’t sure if the silence was a friend or an enemy to her state of mind but at any rate it was gone now. She reached out turning the water off before grabbing one of the towels that Clarke had hanging by the shower and wrapped it tightly around her body. 

She noted Anya’s lack of surprise at the red rimming Lexa’s eyes but rather she turned to several large bags that cluttered her bed. “You didn’t come and I knew you would need somethings to get started. It’s the basics but it’ll get you through until you get more.” 

Lexa fought to offer her friend a gentle smile but found that her mouth and brain seemed to be disconnected and instead she nodded. She might not have wanted anything that way the room would never feel like her home but she had known, or at least a small part of her had, that her people would at least give her the basics to get by. After all that was how they had shown they cared. 

Anya didn’t stay long after having her own things to get in order before they began life as if nothing happened or nothing changed, leaving Lexa entirely on her own again. Every piece of her wanted to curl back up in the shower and continue to feel her loss. It seemed as if it was the one place she could allow herself to be broken. No one could see her there. No one could see the pain she was suffering. And mostly no one could judge her for being weak. Love was weakness. A weakness she couldn’t afford to have.

She didn’t return to the shower though. Instead she set about changing into fresh clothes and putting away the limited products that Anya had brought and making her bed. Once she pulled away to see everything now in it’s place she couldn’t help herself but to crawl into the sheets. She expected that sleep would eventually take over, but she never remembered actually drifting off into a dreamland. 

When Clarke came in sometime after midnight giggling loudly and bumping into things Lexa was pulled out of her sleep. “Shhhhhh I have a roommate!” She heard the blonde claim in what she would describe as a stage whisper. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” Without knowing the blonde to well she could tell that she was intoxicated. 

“Shit!” The loud exclamation drew Lexa out of her bed and to turn the light on. She watched with a small amusement as the blonde reached up to cover her eyes and look at her with guilt written across her face. “I didn’t want to wake you, I swear! I just...it’s been stressful so I went drinking with friends and you don’t care so I’ll shut up now!”

She nodded her understanding. She didn’t figure the new living situation was easy on the Ark students but she hadn’t thought about the stress that would land on Clarke’s shoulders. She was in the same position as Lexa having to suddenly figure out the best way to lead her fellow students. “Just go to bed. You’ll want the sleep to deal with the hangover in the morning.” She didn’t look at her again as she climbed into bed and pulled her covers over her head.

She barely heard the quiet, “I’m sorry...for your loss.” It was the first time that someone had shown her remorse for what she had lost and it came from the one person she was meant to hate. That painful twist that tugged on her heart was back as she struggled to keep the tears at bay. She didn’t want Clarke of all people to see her weak and in order to do so she pretended that she had already fallen asleep. She didn’t need to know that she heard or what it meant to her that someone finally saw through the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank-you all for the massive amounts of support you all have given me with this story. I see every comment, kudo, book mark, subscription, ect and it all means the world to me! I hope you all love this story as much as I do. I'll probably be updating quite a bit this week because I'm on a roll with writing and I don't want to stop! 
> 
> As always if you want to follow me or send me random asks my tumblr is ClarekGriffin


	5. Chapter 5

The muffled sound of voices along with the promising scent of food pulled Lexa out of her sleep finally. Fighting off the much needed sleep wasn’t easy but once she did finally sit up she saw Clarke placing a coffee and doughnut on her desk. “Is that for me?” She ask quietly hearing how deep her voice was from sleep.

It was amusing to watch her roommate turn around in surprise to face her. “It’s an apology actually. I don’t often go out and get drunk like that, and I shouldn’t have done it on your first night here. The last thing you needed was a drunk roommate.” 

She shrugged as she stood up taking the doughnut after all it was a nice peace offering, “Let me guess. Your mom caught you hung over and wrung you out for not being a good example? So now you feel like you have to apologize.”

The look of confusion lasted a split second before the blonde walked back over to her bed and sat down on the edge, “Something like that. She was telling me how we’re the good guys and we have to be as supportive as possible to you all and having the student body president showing up to the first day of classes together hungover didn’t show us in the best light as well as didn’t give a good example about how we should behave.” 

She nodded her understanding. Parents were difficult and often impossible to please no matter who you were. She just never pegged that the perfect princess from the Ark academy didn’t lead a charmed life. “Your mother seems weak minded if she believes the actions of one night indicates the type of person someone is. While I would not have gone out myself I understand why you did. Our position is stressful. We constantly must forget that we are nothing more than teenagers ourselves so that our people can continue to not have to worry about it.”

It took the other woman a few moments before finally speaking up once more, “Is that what your parents are like?” It was clear to read the nervousness that filled Clarke’s features at asking a private question and a piece of her wanted to tell her to go to hell for asking it. But she didn’t know. It was a question that any roommate would ask.

“I wouldn’t know.” Lexa’s own voice started out unsure. She didn’t know how much to share but she knew she needed to say more. She took a deep breath before pushing on, “I have very few memories of them but they were gone by the time I started school. They paid for my education up until I was about fourteen but I never saw them. I spent breaks at school with the others who didn’t have homes to return or homes that were unsafe to return to. Usually it was just Anya, Gustus, and I. Every once and awhile Lincoln would stay claiming he didn’t want to go on whatever trip his family was going on that break but we all knew the truth. Sometimes home wasn’t really home. I’ve heard stories about what may have happened to them. But it doesn’t matter. I have my people and they’re the ones who matter the most.”

Clarke continued to surprise Lexa by not being the woman she had expected her to be off the basketball court. Rather than voice her sympathy she just nodded knowing there wasn’t anything she could say to make matters better for her. “I have to get to class. I left your schedule on your desk with everything else. And just so you know no one would blame you for taking a day off.”

“If only that were an option for us, right?” She asked wanting to keep the bitterness from her voice but still it slipped past not that Clarke commented on it before she left. They both knew the truth though. If Lexa didn’t show up things would get out of hand. She had to be the one that helped guide the TonDC students through the new situation.

\-------------

Clarke heard the noise of screaming students the moment she entered the building that the cafeteria was located in. She had been on her way to her art history class when a teacher pulled her aside explaining what was going on and that no one could break through to the fighting teens. She herself didn’t know what to do but she understood that something had to be done or who knew the damage that would be caused and if they could ever get the two schools to successfully be united if this one fight wasn’t taken care of in a peaceful manner. 

She was greeted with a large crowd standing and yelling all crammed together, most of them larger than she was but somehow she was able to push her way to the center of the crowd. When she finally broke her way out of the crowd and saw the blood dripping down both men’s face’s she couldn’t tell who was supposedly winning the fight but she didn’t care either. This wasn’t how they were going to live together. One fight would only rile up the others more. 

She should have been more surprised to see Bellamy standing there, but with the way things were it almost seemed right that he stood there with blood dripping out of his nose. She tossed her bag to the ground before marching up to the seething men. “Enough!” She said loud enough she knew she would be heard. “We can’t do this. We can’t fight like we use to. This is their home now too.”

“You don’t know what this is about, Princess.” Bellamy spat at her not allowing his gaze to waver from the other man. She didn’t know the other man but that didn’t make it any better. The first day and they were already at one another’s throats.

She was debating about getting in the middle of it in an attempt to break the fight up when she saw Finn already forcing Bellamy away. It didn’t look like an easy feat as she rushed after them muttering apologies to any TonDC students that she ran into, but she was thankful for the help nonetheless. 

Once the three were alone in a classroom Clarke angrily set about pacing the length of the classroom. “What the hell were you thinking?” She asked although in her state she wasn’t willing to listen to an answer if Bellamy tried to give one, “That was idiotic, Bellamy! We don’t need to give them more reasons to hate us. They’re grieving and you go and pick a fight with them? Of all the people…,” She paused momentarily before she began about her rant, “I need you to set a good example. I can’t do this all completely on my own.” Her rambling came to a sudden stop as she spun on her heels to face the two men neither risking to meet her gaze. “Look. I don’t like that they’re here either but they are. And starting fights with them won’t stop the fact that this is our reality. Now before you go swinging your fist some more put yourselves in their position. Do your best to be peacekeepers and maybe we’ll make it out of this alright.”

Bellamy at least looked ashamed as he finally looked up, “He talked about Octavia. I won’t repeat what he said because I’ll just go after him again, but you know damn well how easily that sets me off. I won’t apologize for sticking up for my sister, but I will apologize for doing it in a public place.” Clarke honestly couldn’t fault him for being the protective brother she had always known him to be. Not that it made the situation better but she still couldn’t be angry with him.

“How about next time you use your words instead of your fists?” She suggested although with a hot tempered personality of a Blake she knew that was more than likely never going to happened but Clarke liked to believe in dreams once in awhile.

Bellamy offered her his usual charming smirk as he shrugged his shoulders, “I can’t make a promise I won’t keep, but I can make one that I can. I’ll do my best, princess. For Octavia. I know she wants this all to work out so if it means I suck it up a bit for her sake I will.”

“And you know me. I’m more diplomatic. I’d rather not result to violence.” Finn finally said as he shrugged from his spot in the corner. 

If only he kept to his promises, but unlike Bellamy Finn often made ones that he would never keep. Promises of non-violence, of love, of really anything. Clarke still took him at his word though hoping that things changed for him.  
\-----------

Clarke almost wishes that the rest of her day had been uneventful but by the time that her final class of the day came to a close she finally admitted to herself that she knew it wouldn’t. No amount of wishing would make everyone behave, but she put her best foot forward and tried to get everyone to come to an agreement on matters.

She just hoped she could finally have some quiet once she got back to her dorm room. Or at least for one thing to go correctly in her day. “Oh thank god it’s you.” She was greeted with as the door swung open. Lexa was hunched over her desk scribbling away on a piece of paper that Clarke couldn’t see. “I was prepared to throw scissors if it had been another person with another problem.”

The laughter came out of nowhere for Clarke as she nodded, “I don’t think you realize how much I agree with you there. I knew it would be bad but I guess a part of me hoped it wouldn’t be. I was naive.”

“It does not make you weak to believe the best in people, Clarke. But it does make you weak if you do not have a plan just in case they show their true colors. Thank-you though. For handling the fight between Riker and one of yours today. Although I have a feeling that today was just the beginning.” She looked much older than her seventeen years as she sat there finally meeting Clarke’s gaze. If only they could be their ages but she knew that was out of the question.

“I have a feeling you’re right.” She conceded as she moved about changing from her uniform, “I think we should do some sort of event. A dance or something. To show them we are now one school there’s no us vs. them any longer. It’s that or a boring lecture by Jaha and Indra, and I figure a dance possibly would work better to actually get through to people.”

Lexa pressed her lips together giving it actual thought before nodding finally, “A dance could be good for morale. It would also be a nice distraction from everything else going on. The question is can we get the administration to agree upon it?”

“Leave that to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god I actually edited this chapter and I thought because my grammar was correct for the other chapters then obviously my writing was too...NO! I can't even imagine the mistakes you all had to suffer through just after making sure to edit this one. Hopefully this one is better and from now on I'm absolutely editing the crap out of my fics. 
> 
> As always if you want to spam me with asks or follow me on tumblr it's clarekgriffin


	6. Chapter 6

The following weeks moved quickly and before Lexa knew they had been living at Ark academy for nearly a month and a half. While things weren’t exactly better no one had been sent to the hospital due to injuries yet (unless one counted the idiots that caused an explosion in the chem lab while trying to make drugs. Clarke had assured Lexa that no one did count Monty and Jasper in the grand scheme of things). The dance was coming together and while Lexa wasn’t exactly looking forward to it she couldn’t help but feel her roommate’s excitement. After all it filled their room whenever she was around.

She still isn’t sure when just existing stopped hurting. She still physically ached in pain for Costia, but it was no longer difficult for her to breath without it affecting her. She knows why that is and perhaps that’s the biggest reason why she wasn’t willing to admit the real reason she was piecing her life back together. Somewhere along the way just being around Clarke made everything easier. She made small jokes to pull a laugh from her roommate or mention something about how the students were driving her crazy to get that one certain smile. Clarke was slowly creating a place for herself in Lexa’s heart and to be frank it fucking terrified her. 

She was no where near ready for another relationship. She wasn’t even sure if she ever would be and hell her and Clarke might not even truly be friends (although she hoped that they were), the point was she needed to get over her little school girl crush on her hot roommate. No matter how sexy she was, and she knew very well that she wasn’t the only one that had longing eyes for her once and awhile. So she resigned herself to just being friends. Nothing more. She couldn’t handle more.

Still though she had to admit having Clarke in her life was nice. She no longer had to shoulder the weight of being student body president or captain of the basketball team alone. Someone actually understood the pressure. Someone actually didn’t judge her when she was at her wits end or just needed to rant about the dumbass that didn’t understand it was common sense to not destroy school property. She knew no one could ever replace Costia, but she had to admit that having Clarke in her life was a relief. Even if some moments it was harder than others to live with her. Such as whenever she was getting ready for bed. Those long teeshirts with nothing underneath. Lexa might be grieving over the loss of her first love but she sure wasn’t dead. Anyone even remotely interested in women would have a hard time around those long legs and the drooping neck line. Some days she wondered if she wore them on purpose.

Other days though it had nothing to do with the lack of clothing her roommate wore but her excitement over the dance. She kept going on and on about how it would unite everyone to have a good time. Lexa? She wasn’t sure. She wondered if her people’s pain ran too deep for them to be able to accept the other students completely. She hoped so, but she wasn’t holding out for it to happen.

Lexa had returned to their shared room shortly after dinner to finish a project she had due within the next week when their door slammed open and what looked like about four boxes piled on top of one another with a pair of legs underneath them came in. It took all she had to not burst out laughing at the sight of Clarke trying to figure the best way to get to her bed with the boxes in her arms. “Do you perhaps need any help with those?”

She couldn’t quite understand the muffled reply that Clarke gave but she hopped up from her seat and grabbed the top two boxes from Clarke’s arms. “You’re currently my savior.” Lexa looked away from her cheery smile to find the best place to put the boxes before settling on placing them on her bed. 

“So what’s in the boxes?” She asked curiously turning around to look at Clarke.

“Decorations for tomorrow. Which reminds me that we haven’t gotten our dresses yet. If I can steal you away for an hour or two we can do that right now?”

Lexa felt herself melting at the look of uncertainty that filled the blonde’s face. There was no choice for her to make as she began to nod, “Yeah. Just let me grab my shoes, and we can go.”

\---------------

When Clarke said an hour or two Lexa had thought she had been literal, but as she sat on the bench in the dressing room with her roommate after nearly three and a half hours she realized how wrong she had been. It took her less than an hour to settle on a royal blue sleeveless dress with a sweetheart neckline while Clarke tried on almost every dress in the world, or at least it seemed like it.

“What do you think?” She asked twirling in a form fitting red dress. A very, very form fitting dress. Lexa forced herself to swallow and look away before nodding. Truth was there hadn’t been a single one that looked bad but that one was a different story. Well it was hard to remember why hitting on her was a bad idea. 

“I think you finally found the dress.” She finally offered forcing herself to look back with a smile, “It looks great on you.”

“Great. I was starting to get tired of trying on dresses. Besides I’m sure you want to get back to your project.”

Lexa turned away as she had before while Clarke slid the dress off in order to get dressed to leave. A piece of her was slightly sad that they were finally done but she knew she couldn’t be trusted for much longer to keep to herself. It was better for them leave, mostly it was better for her to get out of there before she did something she regretted.

\----------

Friday dragged on. It seemed as if every ten minutes lasted an hour. It wasn’t as if she was excited about the dance, but she wanted to get it over with. She knew that she was going to have to deal with everyone’s eyes on Clarke. She shouldn’t be jealous, after all Clarke wasn’t hers, but the idea of someone else’s hands on her stung Lexa. She knew Costia would be happy that she wasn’t just going through the motions that she was actually moving on with her life. That she was actually opening herself up to perhaps feeling for someone else again no matter how unwelcomed the feelings were.

Anya easily caught up with her after their last classes of the day. “You look miserable,” She stated barely offering her a glance as they walked across the quad.

A harsh laughter filled the air for a moment as she nodded, “Just a lot on my mind I suppose. Hopefully after this dance though I can actually relax.”

“Why wait?” She asked finally actually looking over at her with cocked eyebrows.

Lexa knew she was going to regret the words long before they were spoken but still she lately had trouble hiding her curiosity, just another side effect of living with Clarke she supposed. “What do you have in mind?”

“Just get ready for the dance and come to my room, okay? Don’t ask questions you know I won’t answer. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

\------------

She knew most girls were going to spend most of the evening after class in order to get ready. She heard them all talking about how they were going to do their hair or makeup. Her plans were simple. Put the dress on and leave. She couldn’t personally grasp the idea of spending an obscene amount of time on getting ready and ended up using the time instead to finish her project a few days before it was due.

Before she knew it though it was two hours before the dance began. She knew she either went willingly to Anya’s room to see what she had in mind to get her to relax or she was dragged there by a multitude of different people. It was just easier for her to go before they showed up kicking down her door. 

The door was open a crack when she approached Anya’s room which was why she didn’t bother knocking but rather bushed it open revealing her small group of close friends sitting around the room each with bottles of alcohol placed about them. “Looks like I’m missing out on a good time.” She said quietly as she moved to join Anya on her bed and took a nearby bottle pressing it to her lips to take a small swig of it before finally taking in each of their faces. “Are we having fun or is this a mourning party?”

“A bit of both I suppose.” Gustus offered up as he reached up to rub a small comforting circle along her knee from his place on the floor. “It finally feels real that we’re each moving on from what happened, and those we cared for want that for us. So we’re mourning that they’re not here with us, but celebrating a new life for each of us.”

She nodded solemnly lifting her bottle, “A toast then. To those we’ve lost and to our new found lives as well as to those we meet along the way.”

Everyone clinked their bottles together each nodding in agreement. They spent the two hours before the dance drinking as much alcohol as each could handle. Sharing stories of missing loved ones, laughing at stories about their new classmates. She hadn’t realized until then just how much she missed having them around. She did her best to try and remember she needed to make more time for each of them after all she had been so blinded by trying to be a good leader that she hadn’t realized she was neglecting her friends in order to do so. Not that they would ever hold it against her. A fact Lexa was constantly thankful for but nonetheless she couldn’t continue the way that she was.

She was thankful for her flats as she slightly stumbled her way into the dance when a pair of hands reached out and grabbed her in order to steady her. “Are you drunk?” An all too familiar voice asked before she noticed it was Clarke’s hands on her hips. 

“Clarke!” She exclaimed tossing her arms excitedly around her shoulders, “You look so beautiful tonight! Not that you don’t always because wow do you always look gorgeous it’s kind of unfair how beautiful you look. Or how sexy you look for that matter especially in those long sleep shirts it’s really quite hard for people to really go about their lives with your legs for days.” Suddenly she realized that she was saying everything that came to her mind. 

The bright smile on Clarke’s face calmed her nerves. She really wanted to hate her for that but with the alcohol running through her system all she wanted to do was pull Clarke to her and kiss her. She missed the physical connection with someone and she was right there. So close that she really wouldn’t have to do much to kiss her. “Lexa.” She whispered quietly. It sounded so much like a prayer that she started leaning in to seal their lips together. “We shouldn’t. Let’s dance first, okay?” She offered stepping away and dropping her hands before grabbing a hold of Lexa’s. She saw the flicker of sadness in Clarke’s blue eyes and it was another thing she filed away to analyze later about what it meant.

They were pressed between other grinding couples when Clarke carefully spun her to press Lexa’s back to Clarke’s front. They moved together in sync with Clarke’s hands on her hips keeping her steady. She purposefully ground back into her pulling a delicious sounding moan that turned Lexa on even more. She wanted nothing more than to experiment on different ways to cause Clarke to make those sounds.

She didn’t realize she said the words out loud until she felt the rumble of laughter against her back, “You’re making this much more difficult on me. It’s already taking every single ounce of willpower to not take you back to our room and see if you can stay true to your words.”

She clumsily turned around to face the blonde with a curious grin tugging on her lips, “Then why aren’t we on our way?”

She didn’t miss the way that the sadness came back and she hated that. She hated whenever Clarke didn’t look like the happy girl that she should always be. She leaned in wanting to kiss the frown away but instead of a warm embrace she was met with nothing but air. When she opened her eyes she saw that Clarke had stepped away shaking her head. “This is a bad idea, Lexa. I’ll see you in the room later, okay?”

And like that she was gone. A feeling of dread filled her as she stood there at a loss. The alcohol was taking it’s toll on the young woman and rather than risk embarrassing herself any farther she instead decided perhaps going to bed would be the best idea. Tomorrow she was going to have to deal with the consequences of her actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this update took longer than usual to post. The last few days have been a personal hell for me making it difficult for me to get this done. Hopefully this week will be better! 
> 
> As always my tumblr is clarekgriffin if you want to come stalk me or something!


	7. Chapter 7

“Look at that,” Gustus said nodding towards Lexa who had suddenly engulfed her roommate in her arms. 

Anya knew that the alcohol they had given her had more to do with the sudden affectionate woman than anything else but still she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. This had been the plan all along though. To fake drunk long enough to actually get Lexa to drink so she would loosen up. “Let us just hope she doesn’t end up with a broken heart because of this.”

“She is already heart broken, Anya. We are hoping to repair that damage with this.”

She knew that he was right but she could only count all the ways that this could go wrong. All the ways that Lexa would come to hate them for trying to force her to move on to quickly. While they each went off to be the normal teenagers everyone seemed to believe they were she made sure to keep an eye on her friend. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Clarke she just didn’t trust anyone when it came to Lexa. The two had been like sisters since they were young which made it all the more important to her that her friend didn’t end up hurt.

She kept to the sides of the room never interacting with anyone just in case she had to sweep in to save Lexa from herself. Or from Clarke if she tried anything Anya deemed that her friend wasn’t prepared for yet. It barely took a song before watched the blonde walk away leaving Lexa alone and looking like she was doing her best to not show how wounded she was. 

She pushed everyone out of her way until she finally reached her wrapping her arms tightly around her. “Come along,” she whispered in her ear before directing her out of the dance. It took twice as long as she had hoped it would to get past the sweating teenagers but once they were free of the crowd they were able to move much quicker. After years of knowing the girl she knew she would want to be somewhere private. Somewhere that her showing any weakness wouldn’t be judged and so they went back to Anya’s room. Sure they could have gone back to Lexa’s but she didn’t want to run the risk of Clarke showing up when her friend didn’t need to see her.

Lexa didn’t waste a moment making herself comfortable once they were in the room. She quickly had herself wrapped around in a blanket and propped against her headboard. “She doesn’t like me.” She said the words were slightly slurred but she understood what her friend meant.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Anya said as she sat gently down beside her friend. “For one she would be absolutely insane if she didn’t want you. While I don’t care for the woman she doesn’t strike me as insane. And for another I saw her face tonight. The look on her face didn’t look like she wasn’t just as into it as you were. She has honor, Lexa. Enough that she more than likely didn’t want to take advantage of you.”

Lexa’s face turned from one of deep sadness to confusion so quickly that it took a lot for Anya to not find amusement. “But she wouldn’t be taking advantage of me. I want it.” 

She shook her head finally taking her friend into her arms in order to physically comfort her, “But she doesn’t know that. She just knows that you lost Costia only a short while ago and she probably would feel wrong if she pushed you into something you very well might not be ready for. Just see it from her point of view, Lexa.”

There was a long silence between the two that Anya was beginning to believe that Lexa had drifted off to sleep and she was about to get up and prepare a bed on the floor for herself when she finally heard “Do you think Costia would hate me for moving on so quickly?”

The question had Anya sitting up so quickly to face her. She took in the sad red rimmed eyes, the quivering lip, the exhaustion that had overtaken her friend. She knew the last few weeks had been anything but easy for her but she hadn’t realized just how much guilt seemed to be resting on her shoulders. “Absolutely not.” She said finally taking Lexa’s face in between her hands to make sure that she was paying attention to her. “If anything Costia would want this for you. You knew her better than anyone else therefore you already know deep down that this is what she wants. She would absolutely hate for you to be in pain and to keep yourself from falling in love again. Besides if I knew her as well as I believe I do I think she would have loved Clarke. Which is hard for me to say, but she would have.”

Lexa nodded slowly before offering the weakest smile that Anya had ever seen but she’d take it. “I think I’m just going to go to sleep, okay?”

Anya didn’t argue with her as she moved from the bed. She just hoped that sleep would help Lexa come to terms with everything.

\------------

“Oh God,” Lexa moaned as she covered her eyes with the heels of her hands. Her head was already pulsing in pain as she forced herself to wake up. It took a few disorienting moments for her to realize she wasn’t in her bed when everything came flooding back to her. Anya came into her eyesight offering a cup of water and a few pills, both of which she accepted happily. “Was last night as bad as I remember it?”

“That depends on what you remember.” The words didn’t bring her any comfort as she swung her legs over the side of the bed and sat up. “You tried to sleep with your roommate and when she didn’t take advantage of you we came back here.”

“So I remember everything.” She sighed heavily slightly shaking her head. “How do I apologize?”

“Just explain to her what happened. She seems to be a very intelligent woman I doubt giving her something as a bribe will work in your favor. Now if you don’t mind I would like my bed back.” The very slight smile on Anya’s face told her that she wasn’t truly being kicked out but it was for her own benefit to leave.

The quiet walk back to her own room was miserable with the bright sun that seemed as if it was taunting her. The rest of the students though seemed to still be in bed leaving the campus in a quiet silence. It was weird to make the walk back without running into anyone but it gave her time to think over what she would say to Clarke. She couldn’t believe her actions but there was nothing she could do to change that now.

She quietly pushed open the door to their room expecting to see Clarke still asleep in bed since it was a Saturday and she rarely woke up before 10. Instead she saw her roommate sitting on her bed with her knees to her chest looking completely exhausted. Her head snapped up to meet her gaze. “You’re back,” her voice was quiet and it just hit Lexa that Clarke thought she wouldn’t come back.

“Of course I am,” She kept her voice low before joining her on her bed. After a moment she took Clarke’s hand into her’s drawing small circles into the skin with her thumb. “I was massively out of line last night and there’s no excuse for my actions. I can only hope that you’re able to find it in you to forgive me.”

A strangled laugh pulled her gaze back over to her. “You’re asking me for forgiveness when I should be the one doing so. Nothing you did last night was out of line. Not to me. I’m the one who nearly took advantage of you.”

“But you didn’t!” There was barely a pause between them when she spoke the words. “And it wouldn’t have been taking advantage of me. I wanted it. I-,” She took a deep breath knowing that everything held on the balance for them with her words. “I want it. I’m just not sure I’m ready for it all. Not yet.”

“So we wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this was a difficult chapter for me to write! Getting into Anya's head space was almost impossible for me which is why this chapter is fairly short and took longer for me to write. The next one though will be longer! 
> 
> Thank-you again for the constant support for this story. From the kudos, to comments, to subscriptions. Each time I check and see something new it always encourages me to keep working!
> 
> As always you're able to locate me on tumblr at clarekgriffin.


	8. Chapter 8

Things had become quiet after the dance. There were still fights that broke out but they were spread apart with days of peace. Something that both Clarke and Lexa were thankful for. The basketball season was approaching and there were still arguments about how it would be handled. Clarke wanted to have open tryouts to give everyone a chance while Lexa knew who her best players were and thought they shouldn’t have to fight for a place on the team. In the end they went with Clarke’s way. Lexa did her best to ignore her for two days following the incident. She knew Clarke was right, but basketball had been the last piece of her old life she had and now she had to adjust to sharing that with Clarke too.

Her breath was knocked out of her suddenly when a basketball slammed into her stomach. She looked up quickly to see a stern Anya standing there with raised eyebrows challenging her to say anything. Lexa already knew that her head wasn’t where she needed it to be she didn’t need the ‘kind’ reminder from her friend of it. Growling to herself she dropped the ball and sulked over to where Clarke stood surrounded by what Lexa deemed ‘Clarke’s team’. She knew that they were one team and they needed to be past everything, but there was something about losing this last part of something that had always just been hers that lit something inside her. 

Once she came to a stop in front of the blonde and her friends she stood there until Clarke finally met her gaze evenly, “If it isn’t too much of a bother I’d like to start practice now.” She bit off before turning on her heels to leave. She knew it was rude and she had caught the momentary hurt that flashed across Clarke’s face but it wasn’t enough to stop her. Ever since the morning after the dance it seemed as if Lexa was on a mission to destroy whatever chance in hell she had with Clarke. Part of her hated herself for it. The other part realized why she was doing it. She couldn’t get hurt again. 

“Five minute drills!” Lexa’s voice shouted across the gym to get everyone’s attention to begin the intense practice that she had been all to use to running in TonDC. It seemed though that Clarke was willing to let her run the practice how she saw fit thankfully. She honestly had no idea what she would have said or done if Clarke had poked her head in and tried to say something about it. 

She found herself bent half over with her hands resting on her knees while she panted heavily trying to catch her breath. Painfully she turned her head and saw that many of her teammates were in similar positions panting. She nodded toward Clarke bringing an end to the practice. She heard several groans while some bodies fell to the floor in exhaustion. She did her best to hide her small laugh that caused a grimace to cross her face.

Over a half hour period the team slowly disbursed to go do whatever they did in order to heal after an intense practice. She stood up slowly from zipping her bag noticing that Anya was halfway to the door. “Don’t forget we’re having dinner together tomorrow!” She called out. Lexa laughed as Anya waved tiredly at her.

She had been too caught up in saying goodbye that she didn’t realize that with her friend leaving it left her completely alone with Clarke. At least not until Clarke was right in front of her. It didn’t take a genius to know that Lexa had been pushing her buttons since the dance but now she was up close and personal with the damage she was doing. 

It seemed as if personal space wasn’t something that Clarke thought of as she made sure there was no space between the two. With every step backwards that Lexa took she watched as Clarke took one forwards. It didn’t take long for her to find herself with her back flush against the lockers. 

“What the hell is your problem, Lexa?” The blonde nearly spat out never once losing eye contact with her.

Lexa would be damned though if she was the one to cave first. “What do you mean? I was out there making our team better while you were trying to be their best friend!”

“As if you know the first thing about being a friend. Anytime anyone gets near you, you block them out. You’re too scared that you’re going to get hurt again but all you’re doing is hurting yourself.”

The words stung as they came out. So Clarke wasn’t as blind as Lexa had hoped she was. She thought she was doing a good job of pushing her away so that she wouldn’t be interested but it seemed as if she was doing the opposite. She was just proving Clarke right.

Lexa did her best to stand a little taller and glare down the other woman. “You don’t know the first thing about me, so don’t try to pretend you understand why I make the choices that I do.”

Clarke scoffed at her. “You’re kidding, right? I understand. I understand you’re to stubborn to see that instead of preventing yourself from getting hurt again you’re just preventing yourself from being happy again. I also know you need to get that stick out of your ass if you want this team to actually be successful. Unless you don’t want that anymore then by all means continue on your ways of absolutely destroying everything either of us has ever worked to build!” Clarke’s voice had raised during her rant until she was nearly yelling at the other woman. It was clear, even to Lexa, how much Clarke wanted for her to see that damaging them wasn’t just hurting Lexa anymore. And she wasn’t entirely sure she could live with herself if she hurt Clarke more than she had.

“What if you die?” The words slipped out before Lexa could control what her mouth was saying. It had been a constant fear that plagued her since the dance. What if she lost Clarke just like she lost Costia. She wasn’t sure she could handle that. 

She didn’t have any time to process what it meant for her to admit her fear before she felt Clarke’s lips pressed against her own. Though it was a simple kiss she felt the passion that burned in the other woman through it. Clarke’s hands came up to rest against her cheek’s, holding her into the kiss for a moment longer before finally breaking it. “I’m not Costia. I’m Clarke. And even if I do die I’d much rather have spent the last months or years of my life with you than spending them at one another’s throats constantly.”

“I don’t know being at one another’s throats can be a lot more fun than you seem to be making it out to be.” The words came out as a purr and god did she hate herself for that but it was too late and she wasn’t even sure she wanted to take them back before she closed the distance between them in order to kiss her again. Lexa’s hands reached up grabbing a hold of Clarke’s jersey in her hands using the material to pull her tighter to her until there wasn’t any space left between the two. 

A nearby door slammed closed pulling the two away from each other momentarily. She didn’t move in fear of breaking whatever it was that was happening between them but she watched as Clarke took one small step backwards hesitating. “Perhaps we should continue this in our room?” She suggested tilting her head ever so slightly to the side and all Lexa could focus on was how much she wanted to explore the skin she was baring, and possibly all of her.

She didn’t hesitate for a moment as she leaned down picking up her bag. “The last one to our room has to take their shirt off first.” Her words were a challenge for them both before they took off for their room.


	9. Chapter 9

It turned out that if there was something Clarke really wanted she could move quickly in order to get it. Tonight it just so happened that the one thing Clarke wanted was for her roommate to remove her shirt. Not that Lexa was exactly complaining because even if she did lose their little race she had every plan in the world to make sure it wasn’t just her shirt coming off that night. 

They made it to the dorm in record timing Lexa noted as she pulled her shirt over her head. Her eyes barely left Clarke’s figure as she watched the blonde teasingly taking her time putting her bag away. It felt like an eternity before she finally turned around taking in Lexa’s bare stomach. It sent shivers down her back having her roommate’s blue eyes slowly take in her entire body. She wasn’t self conscious by any means but the way that Clarke was looking at her was entirely predatory and it was a huge turn on for her.

Clarke didn’t move any closer to her but rather took a step backwards in order to lean against her desk. If she didn’t know the woman better she would wonder if something changed. But she saw how Clarke dug her fingers into the edge of the wood as if it were somehow able to hold her back if she decided to throw caution to the wind and close the space between them again. 

Instead of waiting for Clarke to make the moves Lexa took the few steps in order to close the space between them. She kept a few inches between them though. Smirking she lifted her hand up in order to tuck a blonde curl behind Clarke’s ear. “You know it’s almost as if you’re scared to touch me,” she whispered quietly finally dragging her eyes upwards to meet Clarke’s gaze.

She watched as Clarke took a deep breath. “If I give in I won’t stop.” She admitted. Suddenly the change in the other woman made sense. She was scared Lexa had changed her mind, or even that she wasn’t ready for this. Except she was because she knew this is what Costia would have wanted for her. She moved to cup both sides of Clarke’s face and pull her closer to her in order to press a passionate kiss to her lips. She pulled away leaving the smallest of space between their lips when she heard “Fuck it.” come from Clarke before she found herself stumbling backwards by the force of Clarke pushing her backwards until she landed on her own bed. 

Lexa lifted herself up so that she was leaning on her elbows in order to watch as Clarke licked her lips. “Do you see something you like?” She asked curiously cocking her eyebrows up.

Clarke’s laughter filled the room as Lexa pulled herself up to actually sit. Her roommate’s hand came down to tenderly run through her hair. “I do actually. I’m just not sure where to begin with you,” She admitted softly.

Reaching up she bunched the bottom of Clarke’s jersey in her hands before beginning to tug upwards. “I have an idea. Now get down here and help me.”

She watched in slight disbelief as Clarke helped her pull the shirt over her head. She wasn’t sure if her mouth was hanging wide open but she was willing to bet that it was. Every curve about Clarke was absolutely perfect. She carefully lifted her hand to run along the skin right above the waistband of Clarke’s shorts. Lexa felt her chest rising and falling heavily words truly failed to describe what it was like to have Clarke above her. She felt her juices pooling at her center but she was too distracted by the woman above her to care much about it. She knew at some point that evening it’d be dealt with but she wanted to explore the gorgeous goddess above her before then.

“Are you going to just lay there and stare at me or are you going to do something?” The challenge was clear in Clarke’s voice and it brought Lexa out of her daze in order for her to surge upwards to capture Clarke’s lips with her own. 

She was so preoccupied by Clarke’s lips that she didn’t realize she was moving until she felt hands reaching behind her in order to unhook her bra and remove it. Slow kisses peppered her skin from the corner of her mouth to the side of her neck and down her shoulder until Clarke’s mouth found a nipple and pulled it between her lips. Lexa’s head fell back in pleasure as Clarke pulled a moan from her as she alternated between licking along the hardened nipple and pull at it between her teeth. 

Lexa ground her core into Clarke’s thigh seeking any sort of fraction she would be able to find. She felt the loss of her mouth on her breast causing her to look down at her confused. Clarke sat there looking up at her with a wide grin while she wordlessly pushed Lexa to lay on her back. Before she could ask what was going on she felt her shorts suddenly being tugged from her waist. “Now to get to the good part.” She heard Clarke purr as her underwear soon joined her shorts leaving her completely bare to her gaze. She felt one of Clarke’s fingers run along her clit tenderly, completely teasing her and driving her crazy. “You’re so wet, Lexa. When was the last time you took care of your needs?” As she spoke she lowered herself in order to trail after her finger.

Lexa found herself unable to answer as a wave of pleasure washed over her. She barely had enough mental capacity to reach down and tenderly run her fingers through the blonde locks that moved between her thighs. Suddenly the feeling of her clit being sucked into Clarke’s mouth had Lexa arching off the bed muttering “Fuck” under her breath as her head fell back to land on her pillows. Clarke took that as encouragement sliding a long finger into her. The pace was slow as she pulled the degit out and gradually back in. “Clarke,” the name was strained as Lexa closed her eyes tightly, “I swear on all that is holy if you don’t pick up the pace…”

She wasn’t given time to finish her idle threat when she felt a second finger slide into her, stretching her slightly. Thankfully pace picked up. With Clarke’s tongue swirling it’s away around her clit while her fingers worked their way in and out of her occasionally bending themselves to hit just the right nerve at the right moment. 

The build up was slow and torturous at moments. Just as she felt herself almost to the tipping point of pleasure, Clarke backed off. Slowing down to a leisurely pace. She was so close to pushing her away and going the job herself when Clarke picked up rapid pace and seemed bent on finally pushing her over into post orgasm bliss. Her mouth sucked her folds between her lips, her tongue swirling around in tight controlled circles and soon Lexa found herself over the edge and panting Clarke’s name. She felt a gentle hand reach up and come to rest on her cheek as she slowly came down from her orgasm. 

Clarke moved to lay beside her, carefully tucking herself into Lexa’s side as she peppered sweet kisses along her neck. “You are so utterly gorgeous when you’re getting off,” she whispered into her ear before tugging on her earlobe gently.

With ease Lexa rolled over to pin Clarke under her, “Well I think it’s time I find out how you look when you’re moaning my name.” She moved to lean down in order to kiss her when Clarke turned her head at the last moment causing her to miss and kiss her cheek instead. She pulled away in order to look down at her knowing her confusion was clear on her face and she didn’t need to ask what was going on. 

“Tonight was about you,” Clarke explained as she rubbed soothing circles into Lexa’s thighs. “I want the focus to be all about you. Next time though it can be all about me.”

The girls wore matching smirks as she leaned down again this time actually kissing her gently on the lips. “But what makes me happy is you being naked and me doing everything I’ve dreamed about the last few weeks with you.” The admission came a lot easier than she had expected it would but she was glad that it was out there. She didn’t want there to be any doubt that she wanted this just as much as Clarke did. 

“Well,” She said quietly reaching up to run a finger around the outside curve of Lexa’s breast, “I never said I couldn’t be naked too.”

She felt herself being shoved to the side in order to watch Clarke slowly slide her shorts off revealing the tiny white lace underwear underneath. Not that she gave her to long to admire them before she was met with the view of Clarke Griffin completely naked in front of her. This woman was truly going to be the death of her, and to be frank she couldn’t find it in herself to care that she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you go! Hopefully this chapter was worth the wait. Writer's block has sadly taken me into it's nasty grip so writing the last few chapters has been hard. I'm going to do my best to get another chapter out within the next week because then my life becomes a busy mess for a few weeks plus I want to work on a few other writing projects to hopefully get out of this block and return with better chapters.
> 
> As always though you're more than welcome to come follow me on tumblr and hopefully bug me about these two idiots at Clarekgriffin


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